Because you were only ever mere pixels
on my movie theatre screen of a life,
I have no choice but to envision you glamorously-
I imagine that your voice
would hang neatly at the back of your throat,
a womanhood with a wardrobe of words
to outfit you
that you’d never outgrow.
I would have heard the giant wrinkles
in the fabric of your small disappointments-
I would have rejoiced with the steam
trembling over the cloth of all you’d conquer
on those weeknights
over the phone
when you’d call me by my first name
and I’d love you like I was always young
and like mistakes were always sewn
with designer lessons in their tags
as we’d be in stitches
over the seamless laugh
we both inherited from the greatest
Russian doll preceding us.
I would have
sacrificed my own elasticity
to hold you so tightly.
But when I fell with you,
I wintered you
and in our desperate attempt
to freeze our youth
we imagined we couldn’t feel the cold.
I was so naive
that even writing this
I feel more sister
You will always be my memoir.
You will always be the page between
Part 1 and Part 2-
You will always be that last line in that first poem
that I stayed up late into the night to finish,
an Olympian of run on sentences whose lungs burned
me into a steadily paced walk,
whose story began in imaginary ink that
only me and the screens and the screams could read,
the last sentence in that poem I so badly wanted to finish but never g-
I need friends who will play building blocks with my bones and sculpt universes from my skin-
until I let the good stuff balance out all the bad stuff I’ve let in
witch hazel thank you so much
why why why why why wasn’t I special enough to be saved?
love conquers all yet I conquered love
I’ve been addicted to Charmed (thanks Netflix!) and not only do I now sometimes, without thinking, attempt to freeze my surroundings in public #PIPERPROBLEMS, but I also have this horrifying notion that maybe I could go back in time and save myself from the destruction of my own destiny.
I want my lily back.
i hope that, wherever my hair ties go, they’re happy. that’s all that matters
If you were one of the pretty people asking me to publish so you could have my poems all in one place, my book is officially available on kindle and kindle apps, which are free. I intentionally priced my work to be super affordable because my intention has never been to earn money off of my writing, but I also enabled sharing of my book on kindle so that you can borrow it from a friend if you can’t buy it yourself :)
Please do check it out from links in my previous posts.
I’m freaking the fuck out that I actually published holy fuck